The Meat Grinder: 3rd Weekend Preview (Notre Dame Invite Edition)
The Meat Grinder Weekend Preview is one writer's attempt to make sense of this all-too-crazy world of NCAA cross country through the use of thinly stretched metaphors and gratuitous parenthetical addendums. It is written by ben wietmarschen who could probably kick your butt...at Nintendo.
Below is the Weekend Preview. It includes all the information you need to be ready for this coming weekend of cross country, and more!
Biggest Meet of The Weekend
The Notre Dame Invitational:
Michigan (8)
Georgetown (9)
Providence (19)
Florida St. (26)
Notre Dame (27)
Texas A&M (28)
New Mexico (29)
Michigan St.
Princeton????
Tulsa
Miami, OH.
For many years, the Notre Dame Invitational has served one purpose, to scare the shit out of all the teams that didn't race there. When you see that one guy you beat last year from Rival Tech ran 24:15 at Notre Dame and you only ran 25:05 at your local Invitational, you get understandably scared. Scared you might not have worked hard enough over the summer and scared that you might be a pussy. Both of those things might turn out to be true, but that should not be your conclusion after looking at ND Invitational results.
Every runner at Notre Dame will run :45 to a minute faster on Friday than they ever have before or will again, sorry to say. And they will hold up that PR proudly, much like others might hold up a degree or spouse, any time someone asks them what they got out of college. I don't know if that ND course is down a cliff or if they simply plant Charlie Weis at the finish line and let his gravitational pull do its thing, but that course is fast as hell.
This meet is going to shake up the rankings and have a huge impact on at large decisions down the road. At this point, all you can do is sit back and let the chips fall as they may. Michigan v. Georgetown will be a barn burner for first, too.
Other Meets of the Weekend Where Ranked Teams Will Be Competing
The Oregon Bill Dellinger Invitational
Oregon (1)
Alabama (5)
Portland (7)
UTEP (17)
Cal Poly (23)
UCLA
Oregon's Galen Rupp is not racing. That is not a suprise and is certainly understandable. He needs his rest, the poor guy's all tuckered out. His absence will even the playing field a bit for a showdown between a very deep Oregon team without their front runner, and a very volatile if still a bit unknown quantity in the 5th ranked Alabama team. It's unlikely that Portland will bring it too hot and heavy this weekend with their leader, David Kinsella, still coming back from missed training due to injury. It would not be a huge suprise for UTEP to sneak past Portland, as UTEP returns all but 1 of last year's 10th place team roster and is looking to get as many points as possible to qualify out of the tough, 5 team deep Mountain regional.
The individual race is headlined by Oregon's oft-overlooked All-American, Shadrack Kiptoo-Biwott and Alabama's Augustus Maiyo. Also, this race might potentially serve as the coming out party for Portland's new freshman, Alfred Kipchumba, who is getting mildly hyped by some in the know. You never know with these early season meets, this is a weekend where new runners usually emerge on the national scene.
At the end of the day, though, Alabama and Oregon have absolutely nothing real riding on this result and Portland is just mildly interested
The Cowboy Jamboree at Oklahoma State:
Oklahoma St. (2)
Northern Arizona (16)
Indiana
Abilene Christian (#1 in D2)
The time has finally come for the Hype Machine that is the Oklahoma St. Cowboys to step out of the barn and into the saloon, saddle up to the bar, and take a few shots of race pain down the 'ol gullet. And, just like shots of whiskey, the race will hurt going down, it will make them impervious to future pain, and it will make their crotch kind of hurt in the morning (wait, that's what happens when you guys drink whiskey too, right?)
Regardless, there hasn't been this much hype out of Oklahoma since TV's Dave Coulier played Curly McLain in the early 90's Broadway revival of Oklahoma! the musical (Uncle Joey was a bust by the way, he was trying to split time with his semi-pro hockey career and you just can't do that on Broadway, man)
Oklahoma State's pack of Vail, Chirchir, Fernandez et al., should float through this race virtually unobstructed save NAU's super sophomore (super as in fast AND old, he's like 32) David McNeill and an Abilene Christian Kenyan or two.
The Brooks Paul Short Run
Iona (4)
Wisconsin (6)
Villanova (25)
Syracuse (30)
Princeton??????
Wisconsin vs. Iona is a great match up. #4 vs. #6, that's got ESPN College Game Day written all over it. I'm pumped. You should be too. A clash of the titans, right? Kind of. Alas, they will not be running full squads. Iona will be without their top runner Mohamed Khadraoui, and Wisconsin will be without their two senior leaders, Matt Withrow and Stu Eagon. Still, with 'Nova and Syracuse there to keep them honest, this race will give us a chance to gauge how good the post-Schumacher Badgers might be and shed some light on exactly why Iona is still ranked in the top 5 (I can't figure it out).
The Colorado Rocky Mountain Shootout:
Colorado (3)
Nothing the Buffaloes do outside of Terre Haute, IN matters. Ever.
The George Mason invitational
Virginia (12)
The Auburn Tiger Invitational:
Auburn (21)
Washington
Underdog of the Weekend
Villanova and Syracuse
These two teams go into Paul Short with nothing to lose and everything to gain. They are facing two teams in Iona and Wisconsin that will not be at full strength but will definitely be automatic qualifiers at their regional meets. Especially for Syracuse, who have been right on the verge of breaking into being a consistent NCAA presence for the last few years.
Overdog of the Weekend
Oklahoma State
It's a safe bet that the Cowboys will dominate their Jamboree, much like I once dominated the dance floor at the local Knights of Columbus Labor Day Square Dance in seventh grade. Whoever said country western dancing and a spot-on Vanilla Ice impression couldn't mix was dead wrong. Kick it one more time (cow)bbbooooooyyy! (yikes)
Song to listen to before the race this weekend that will make you want to shotput a Volkswagon
Thursday -- "Understanding in a Car Crash"
Another throwback to my early college years, this song still gives me chills. Much like any white guy going through high school or college between 2000 and 2004, I went through a pretty intense emocore phase that started out innocent and fun and ended in fatigue and embarrassment (kind of like my laser tag phase). Similiar to most music fads, it took off with some ingeniuos bands and crash landed into a sea of shameless imitators. Such is pop music. Thursday's "Full Collapse" album, on which "Understanding" is the first song, will always be the embarassment-free epitome of what was great about emocore for me. Also, their live show is off the wall. Lead singer, Geoff Rickley, REALLY gets into it, dancing around in a disjointed, fun-to-imitate kind of way.
Coach that has the most to prove this weekend
Ron Warhurst, Michigan
Of course, Ron Warhurst ain't got nothing to prove nobody after his approximately 82 years at Michigan, but he did recently step down as head coach at Michigan to the much less prestigious "associate" head coach position, which might suggest the Wolverine's "bulldog" coach is slowing down a bit. I know when I was demoted to "associate cashier" at Walgreens when I was 16, I just stopped caring.
Song that won't make you feel like throwing anything, but is still good.
Tokyo Police Club-- "Tessellate"
TPC is blowing up big time right now with their debut album "Elephant Shell." It's one of those albums that you can listen to the whole way through as one, savory 30 minute meal or as 11 seperate two and a half minute snack bites. Either way, you will be hungry for more. But there is no more, because they only have one album. Sure, they have EPs and new tracks floating around the internets somewhere, but only one, cohesive, Saddle Creek-released LP. And it's going to be a tough album to follow.
Restaurant to stop at on your way home from your race
CiCi's Pizza
"Did someone just take a post-Chipotle crap on this stack of tan cardboard paper?" I inquired as I went to fill my empty plate upon arrival, "Oh. Wait. Never Mind. That's the Sausage and Mushroom pizza. My Bad."
Those are the first lines in a short story I am writing called "The Biggest Dissappointment Ever In Anything." In the story, the main character's name is Phillip. Phillip doesn't understand why he continues to get duped into going to this all you can eat pizza place that sounds like a great idea because it's only $5 for an all you can eat buffet and, hey, you can't beat that deal can you? Sure, the last 8 times he went he couldn't stomach more than two slices of the crap and he vaguely remembers it causing him to feel like he was shitting a gremlin a few hours later, but, ONLY 5 BUCKS DUDE! I'll be sending the story into The New Yorker by Monday. Fingers crossed everybody!
Runner who has the most to prove this weekend
Andrew Bumbalough, Georgetown
Bumbalough is one of the top individuals returing from last year's NCAA championship and the ND invite would be a huge statement race for him to win. It's also a Big East showdown as he will most likely be battling Notre Dame's Patrick Smyth, who carries many of the same credentials.
Television Show DVD to Watch in the Hotel Before Your Race This Weekend
Mr. Show -- Season 4, Disc 1
There was a shout out in the comments last week for Mr. Show and I had to fit some more in here somehow, so I created a new category! This particular clip is one of the top 5 funnniest things to happen in the history of things happening.
How many beers I will have to drink before I think the Bengals have a chance of winning this weekend
One Bajillion
Acitivity to Best Pass Time on the Van/Bus/Plane Ride to and From the Meet
Cuddle up/spoon/makeout with someone on the women's team (or the men's, I'm still not sure of trackshark's gender demographics) in the back seat of the van.
Sure, you will regret it later when you are less lonely and less bored. And you certainly will regret it when you have to explain to her on the phone how you thought it was just a one time thing and that you weren't "tryin' to make it no dinner thang." And, of course, she won't understand and will continue to talk to you on the phone for hours and hours, but isn't that what college is all about: boredom leading to doing regrettable things, dramatic drawn out phone calls, and not understanding the opposite sex (nb: after college too!).
So soak up the good parts when you can, the bad stuff's unavoidable, don't be afraid to put your arm around her, and, when you start having second thoughts, always remember: she's just as desperate as you (unless you're ugly and unpopular, then don't even try).
Beer to enjoy responsibly (and only if you're over 21) at your post-race party
Brooklyn Lager (Brooklyn Brewery)
In the past year, there have been few Sunday mornings where I have woken up without a hint of Brooklyn Lager on my lips. And in my gut. And on the fence outside my apartment. If you ever have a chance to enjoy this beer on draft, please do. Don't bother with bottles, as it's usually too expensive.
It's a Lager brewed in the "Vienna" style (which I believe means it was filtered through tiny sausages that look like thumbs) and it has just the right amount of bitterness to distinguish itself without sacrificing a smooth lager taste absent in your more run-of-the-mill American lagers. To me, Brooklyn Lager is a bar beer to be enjoyed out of the house, at your local watering hole, while socializing and scanning the room for chicks or (as closing time approaches) simply pouting in the corner.
Second Date Idea for the Chick/Dude you meet at the Post-Race Party
Take Her to Meet Your Parents
Next week: How to meet a new chick/dude at your next party.
Over-the-Top Inspirational Pre Race Pep Talk Quote of the weekend
"The most certain way of insuring victory is to march briskly and in good order against the enemy, always endeavoring to gain ground."
- "On the Benefits of Pack Running" by Frederick the Great
Enjoy your weekend everyone and check back to the Meat Grinder for a recap on Monday. As always, please add your thoughts on the weekend in the comments.
post comment
Cosmic Battle, Schmosmic Battle
08:12, Thursday, October 2, 2008
.. Posted by JRunnerJ
1. Michigan in a landslide.
2. Cici's is great.
3. If you think that is one of the 5 funniest things ever to happen, I've got a trip to the summit of Mt. Everest that I'd love to tell you about sometime.
Untitled Comment
02:13, Friday, October 3, 2008
.. Posted by Anonymous
Your column is hilarious each week, keep up the great work!
Untitled Comment
02:50, Friday, October 3, 2008
.. Posted by Anonymous
love it
Untitled Comment
04:09, Friday, October 3, 2008
.. Posted by Mayhaus
Make that 2 bajillion beers before I think the Bengals will win....
confused
04:36, Saturday, October 4, 2008
.. Posted by Anonymous
i am so confused what did i just skim over?
Cici's = worth it
01:02, Saturday, October 18, 2008
.. Posted by nom nom nom nom
But what about the brownies and cinnamon rolls? Don't they make it all worth it? I'm gonna eat Cici's on my wedding day.
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