Blogs : Julia Rudd

How do I start?

I ran solo from the gun, and never got out of a practice mindset. Each lap the wind was pushing me backwards on the finish stretch, I was not very focused, and nothing in my mind kept me from thinking how long each lap felt. I never got out hard, and settled in, and once the barriers came along, the pace was much slower than I'd hoped. After laps 2 and 3, I heard my splits were in the 83-84 range and thought, ok, this just means you should be feeling pretty good, so you better start pushing now.. As soon as that thought hit, it started to get tough.. I pushed and my splits were getting slower . The only positive was that my barriers and water jumps were fine.. i was just running in place.

Looking back, I am not losing hope. I know things are going to click. All the training is not a waste. I have some work to do getting in the racing mindset. I haven't been on the track since last June. I don't have the indoor season to back me up with some mile/3000m races that had taught me what real race pain is. So in the mean time i'm going to be doing a series of steeple time trials leading up to my next race (May 3 at Jesse Owens in Ohio) and there after.

My best season in college was in 2004 after I had skipped outdoor in 03. Coming into my first race i had a goal to drop a big PR from the start (in '02 my best was 10:50). I was beyond any fitness of previous seasons and the result of that race was a disappointing 11:04. That first race reminded me of everything in this year. Eventually I continued to drop time 20 seconds at a time until i had a big PR on my most important race to win DIII Nationals (i do now know its ONLY d3- it doesn't really mean much when you step out into the real racing scene against anyone and everyone in the entire U.S.) !

Anyways, i'm not going to make any excuses. I am just waiting patiently for my next opportunity to prove I am serious about the sport. Training has been going pretty good with solid workouts and solid miles. Recently I have backed off from any doubles (well maybe 1 or 2 x a week) and less in the weight room, so I should be starting to feel more fresh.

After being inspired by the women’s marathon, I went out on my long run with 15 miles averaging 6:40s (dropped in 3 miles at 6:10-15). With this i know i have strength. What I do need is to get some speed.. and the only way to do that is to get some courage and really push in my workouts.

I was telling Alan that I have not broke 67 seconds in the 400 since high school , and its true. I am not blessed with turn over, but maybe that is because I am never letting off on doing as much as I can. So the rest of the season I am going to take on a new approach, and I'm not afraid to be running 50-60 mile weeks.. I'm not going to restrain myself in workouts. if I die trying, at least I tried. I'd rather embarrass myself in front of a few people jogging at the track than in a big race. I need to know what it feels like to run hard from the start.

I am nervous about what's to happen, because there is only so much time left.. And I'd really like to see myself under 10:10. I am trusting God and doing all I can to get myself there. If I try my hardest and fall short, I can't be upset.. I did all I could.

I am VERY thankful and blessed with so many things but its hard not to get down when something you are so passionate about and dedicate so much to is not working the way you'd like. I know I am not alone. Running is a tough sport in what it can do to you. When you least expect an injury or an illness or a bad stretch of workouts or races can get you down.. but I try to move forward and see it will make me stronger. I will appreciate the good times even more.

I am very fortunate to be healthy and able to run.. I think of people who's lives have been literally stopped in a battle against cancer, or Jenny Crain who was one day an elite marathoner training for the trials, and the next moment hit by a car and months and months later, still unable to leave the hospital. Those are just extreme examples... i've never had an injury that took me out for more than a month, and i know runners who are struggling with big time injuries. I pray for them everyday.. Rachel Rose, Steph Pezzulo, Steph Dueringer, Stuart Eagon, Alec Lorenzoni just to name a few.

Another story that comes to mind is what I just read on Marla Runyan before the start of the Women's Marathon Trials... http://www.registerguard.com/csp/cms/sites/dt.cms.support.viewStory.cls?cid=90979&sid=7&fid=1

Then there are others who are struggling with consistency and not seeing the pay off of training. One of my best friends Shauneen (Garrahan) is right there with me. She's had a rough winter of sickness and hasn't had the opportunity to race much either.. We both help each other out knowing that good things will come if we are patient!

At times I get very frustrated with the level I'm at, with no way of getting help from a sponsor unless I'd drop some serious time in my event (its possible, but at this moment I have a LOT of improving to do). I'm in the sh**hole financially and its tempting for me to rationalize with running as only a hobby and find a full time job that will give me benefits and enough to afford a new car or pay off student loans.. but something inside of me won't quit.. it won't let me just take a step back. i want to give as much as I can. The only way for me to achieve my best is to put a career on the back burner and live the rest of my life simply.

I am thankful I have found a great family to help me with a job at Ragged Mt Running Shop in Charlottesville. The owners have been there once themselves.. Cynthia and Mark started the store from scratch living on practically nothing with Cynthia training as a professional runner in the first Women's Olympic Trials.. Its inspiring to me, and to realize she was putting in HOURS more work than I per week and still able to train hard.

I just know that I am never going to look back at regrets. I am in love with life and running is a big part of it. Running brings me closer to being the best person I can. It can my opportunity to find the time in my day to reflect and pray during a 10 mile run in the trails. It can also test me during a hard workout on the track. It gives me my desire to make the most of every thing I have and see the good in every person I meet.

I'll keep running hard and resting harder. I know I'll come around... I have too much to give.

I just wanted to end by a huge congrats to Ann Gaffigan . She experienced the frustration in steeple last season.. this year she has already made the A Qualifier this past weekend to the trials and no doubt will come around to PR big and reach her goals. Stuff like this inspires me! Good luck to all. Stay positive and keep fighting :)
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Thanks

11:16 PM, April 24, 2008 .. Posted by Ann Gaff

Thanks, Julia, for the shout out. Sounds like you have your head on straight and are not letting yourself get too down about your first race. Guess what--I started my 2004 season with a 10:57 steeple on a windy and rainy day in March and ended it with an AR at the Trials in July.

Just a thought, but surprisingly, I think getting more into my career has actually helped my running. It depends on the person, but for me, I can't put all my eggs in the basket if the basket is running because I'm just not consistent enough and thus it's a recipe for disaster, in terms of maintaining my sense of self-worth.

Sometimes we think we need to live the life of a pro runner to get to that pro level, but when you don't have any money, you can't really do that anyway--so yeah, you don't have to work a full-time job and thus can rest more and train more but you end up skimping on other important things like nutrition or massage or getting your iron levels tested or flying to the big meets because it's costly.

I don't think there's any one answer. We just have to keep trying different things until they work! So don't be as stubborn as I was towards change!

agreed

11:54 PM, April 24, 2008 .. Posted by juliarudd

Those are definitely some good points.
I didn't want to throw in extra stressors when I moved so I kept things simple with the job situation. I love how simple my life is, and looking for a job is a job in itself.. its my plan to settle in with something permanent using my college degree once i figure out where i'll be at for the next few years :)

julia

Thank you, Julia

3:37 PM, April 28, 2008 .. Posted by Anonymous

Julia,
I just wanted to thank you for writing this entry. Most runners have been, or will be at some time, through something like this--a string of subpar performances, and some are going through this exact same thing right now--myself included. I've been struggling with a string of illnesses since January--it seems like I get sick, then have a couple weeks to enjoy feeling good, only to get hit with something else. As you can imagine from this, my performances have been subpar since January. I'm not going to lie--it is frustrating--how I long to race like I did the last two years, PR-ing quite a bit, but now running times quite a bit off my PR's. It is my senior season (college), and after my last subpar performance, I seriously thought that maybe I'm washed up, maybe I should just look back on my college career and be satisfied, but just run in the future for the pure fact of enjoying running--that maybe this was a sign that racing wasn't for me anymore. Your post here on Trackshark is exactly what I need right now--you made a great shoutout to myself and all others going through the same thing right now to keep your head up through this, to be patient, keep training consistently, and have faith that God will deliver you through these strings of poor performances and you will run your previous times again, and most likely even faster. I'll admit, I have been sort of negative about this whole experience that I'm going through lately, but your shout-out is so positive throughout your struggles, that the positivity rubs off on myself and others in this same situation. Sure, it's never fun going through rough times like this, but I know God has His purpose in everything that happens, and I trust that much good is going to come out of these rough patches that you, I, and many others are going through. Adversity builds character and is meant to draw people closer to God, relying on Him so He can deliver you in His way (which is always a good way), and adversity also builds appreciation and passion for the sport. Hang in there, I have faith you will get through this, and I believe you have so much in store for you in your future. Thanks once again for the positve light you shone on these rough times.

Hang in there!

10:30 PM, April 28, 2008 .. Posted by juliarudd

I really appreciate the comment.. I was in a down mood and that really made my day. Be patient.. we'll both make it through. Don't ever doubt your abilities.. know that this will make you stronger . stay positive!!!

Julia