quick update...
Hey Everyone!
I lived to fight another day. Woohoo!!! Prelims were tonight and the top 12 move on to Thursday for the finals. I was 5th overall with a jump of 21'5 (6.53) but those marks don't carry over to Thursday. Overall it wasn't bad. Lots of nerves on the first jump but once I got it out of the way I felt much better. I can't thank you all enough for the support and prayers and well wishes. I will probably write a legit post later but right now I am EXHAUSTED!
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surrounded by love
So far everything in Eugene has been great. I was greeted at the airport by three of my very best friends who made sure my arrival was one of importance. Normally things such as this would embarrass me but on this occasion I was thrilled and only just slightly embarrassed. Once I arrived at my hotel there was a huge bouquet of white and pink roses waiting for me with a wonderfully sweet message from my friend Debbie out in Chicago who played detective and found out where I was staying so she could have the flowers waiting for me when I got here. It’s absolutely great to be surrounded by all this love. I had talked to my friends before I left and they said they were out here to be supportive but totally understood that if I had to have my space and focus they would keep their distance. But what I wanted more than anything was to have them near. So near that we actually had a slumber party Friday night! I know everybody is different in regards to their preparation before competitions, but I have found that I don’t function better when I completely cut myself off for long periods of time. I have spent tons of time in solitude while out in Tucson and what I needed more than anything was to have friends around and let my brain take a bit of time off. For so long each and every thought that has ran through my brain has been about track and the Trials and so it was good to have them here and enjoy friend time. We even had an arts and crafts session where they went to work writing out everyone’s inspiring messages on construction paper that I have taped up all over my walls. My job was project manager so I sat around playing DJ on the computer and passing out quotes and taping up the finished projects. My room is now a cocoon of encouragement and inspiration and many of you contributed so thank you so much for that!
I did spend some time at the track on Saturday and so far the Trials have been amazing and very inspiring. I thought it might be a little tough watching the women’s 100 meters knowing that I was supposed to be a part of it, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I appreciated the event as a spectator. The ladies ran phenomenally and it was so remarkable to see Lauryn Williams make the team once again, running a great race when it counts and getting the job done as she always does. Earlier in the day they showed a interview with her on the jumbotron and she said she wanted to finish in one of the top 3 spots and it didn’t matter which one, then once she got to Beijing she was going to go out there and win. And sure enough…she found a way. 3rd place by the smallest of margins but I have never seen someone so consistently get the job done when it counts and it truly is a testament to her character. Today will be low-key for me. I might make it out there to watch the men’s 100 because I have a feeling it will be something remarkable. The track is unbelievably fast. Thank you all for your continued prayers and support!
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I'm off to Eugene!
Have you ever felt like something couldn’t come fast enough and at the same time seemed to creep up on you incredibly too fast?! I have been waiting for the Olympic Trials for years. Lots of them. And yet…I can’t believe it’s here already!!! It’s a crazy feeling knowing that the buildup is about to be over and all that’s left now is to get it done. No more preparation, what you have now is all that you’re working with. For the last couple of days my coach keeps telling me ”It is what it is.” This is in response to my constant anxious observations about each and every little thing. How these times compare to the times I was running earlier this year… Should I be worried that last year I was able to do such and such in training… Look at how different my landing looks compared to JJK’s…How much fitness did I actually lose…Am I strong enough in the weight room…. And the simple answer to it all is WHO CARES. I have no time to add tools to the toolbox, I simply have to get it done with what’s available. So I simply take a few deep breaths and say OK.
I am actually really excited that the Trials are in Eugene this year. As some of you may know, the University of Oregon is where I won my 2 NCAA titles back in 2001. In many of the sports psychology books I’ve been devouring this year, they say that it’s helpful to recreate vivid pictures of past successes. This helps to reestablish old connections and embrace feelings of accomplishment. Naturally my experience in Eugene is part of those visualizations. The crazy thing is, I have an absolutely horrible memory. For the most part, the events that I try and focus on will bring up a very vague picture in my mind. I can remember their importance and the marks I achieved, but I usually have a hard time recreating the experience. Except Eugene. There are certain parts of that week that have stayed engrained on my brain for whatever reason. Winning the long jump isn’t really the part that I do remember clearly unfortunately. It was the first day and I won on my first jump, so of course at the time I wasn’t thinking that was the winning jump. And then at the end I was still so focused on the other two events I had I really didn’t let it sink all the way in. But I do remember the moment after I won the 200. I remember the feeling. I remember the look on my face. I remember the conversation I had with myself in my head. Of course it helps that it was captured on film and displayed on the front page of the sports section…
I look at that picture (I still have the original newspaper article but this one was conveniently already online just in black and white) and I can experience that moment all over again. I remember I wanted to outwardly show more emotion but I was so darn tired! Hence the half-hearted fist pump—that’s all I could muster. But that look on my face speaks to me…because I know the thoughts that accompany it. And that’s why I’m glad I am going back to Eugene. Because I have never been more confidant and I have never believed in myself more. I realize that occurred 7 years ago, but it is what it is. I have to use what I’ve got and right now I have that memory.
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Totally committed
I haven't posted a blog in a minute but I have been writing plenty of them! It seems like there isn't too much posting going on lately so I didn't want to have just a whole bunch of mine one right after the other. If you are interested in more, you can always check my personal blog, but otherwise I'll try and post a few of the more important ones here.
I’ve had success throughout my life in many different areas. If someone came to me and asked me for some insight on things I consider myself to be an expert on, I’d gladly share with them my wealth of knowledge. Shopping when you don’t have a lot of money. Eating whatever you want and not really gaining any weight. Watching an insane amount of reality t.v. and not having your brain rot. Posing in a bikini when you have way too many muscles. Working out and not messing up your makeup whatsoever. Taking pictures of yourself and not cutting off the top of your head. These are my fields of expertise. As far as track and field is concerned, one of the reasons I like talking to younger kids in high school and college is I feel as if I am able to speak with authority on that part of a career and share what I believe will help them be most successful because I had a lot of success during those years and its always helpful to hear from someone who’s “been there” and can tell you all the ins and outs you may not know.
Well the other day I was having a conversation with a friend who also doubles as a sports psychologist and works with many Olympic level athletes. I asked him what he thinks the difference is between those that make it versus those that don’t. And the way he phrased it really struck a chord with me. He said that they are fully committed to doing whatever they have to do to succeed. It isn’t a matter of hoping to do well or trying to succeed, you just commit yourself completely to whatever it is you set your mind to do. For me, this highlights a very important way of approaching things. In your mind if you are motivated by an unwavering determination to accomplish something, it seems as if that is much stronger than merely trying or hoping for things to work out the way you want them to. The former gives no other possible outcome than the one you have determined while the latter is not so resolute.
So I think it’s time to be totally committed. I understand that as a mere mortal there are certain things I simply cannot guarantee, but what I can say with absolute certainty is that I am committed to competing to the best of my ability. I am not simply going to try and do my best, I am going to eliminate the “trying” and simply JUST DO IT. There is no reason to hope for something that I have full control over. Don’t get me wrong, you will never hear me say that everything that happens is totally under my control because I am still a firm believer that the outcome is my own will being lined up and in tune with the Big Man’s, but you have got to believe that your talents are there for a purpose and make sure you aren’t shortchanging yourself. (Philippians 1:6 … being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.)
At the end of the day, I know that if I perform in this manner, I will be content. I know that perhaps I’ve had commitment issues in the past, but next week I will be as devoted to this cause as is humanly possible.
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TESTING. 1...2...3...
I don’t like surprises. Well…that’s not entirely true. If the surprise involves a new car with a big red bow around it or a shiny diamond meant for my left hand, I’d gladly delight in the shock and astonishment that I’d be sure to experience. But the types of surprises that involve unfamiliar territory and are accompanied by feelings of uncertainty are definitely ones I’d prefer to do without. My life is always filled with plans and preparation because that is how I operate the best. My friends know this about me. We don’t eat at a new restaurant until I have researched it to death on Citysearch, Zagat, and any other place I can find reviews. I try on all my outfits before I pack them for trips even if I’ve owned the clothes for years. And in any other season I would have competed as many times as necessary until I felt confident in my abilities and satisfied with my technique going into that year’s championship. My year of training and competitions has been planned since before I even stepped foot on the track this fall. Of course there is always going to be tweaks and modifications, but I never imagined an adjustment of this magnitude.
I have done my best to be at ease with the circumstances as they stand. In practice there is only so much you can duplicate, and as close as you might come to being able to replicate the effort and intensity that comes with the heat of competition, it is never really the same. Especially when it’s just you. You...and the unbelievably HOT sun. Even the ants go into hiding. I would imagine it’s something akin to being a stand-up comic and only ever doing your material in front of your goldfish before you headline a show in front of 50,000 people. That’s kind of how I feel…Dear God; I sure hope I’m funny!
Well in order to help relieve a bit of that trepidation I spent a couple days down at the Olympic Training Center with a few of my fellow jumpers this past weekend. And I jumped. 6 full jumps and a measuring tape on hand to fully assess my effort. There was nothing else going on except us on the runway so it was a lot more low key than an actual meet, but I had competitors…good ones at that! We even had some of the staff and a few friends down there to cheer us on. I was a bit anxious beforehand because I knew that the two jump practices I had the week prior were definitely a blessing and a positive step in the right direction, but not the kind of showing that proves you are really ready to do something. I had to remind myself that going out there in a competition setting so soon was a way for me to assess where I was at, shake off some of the nerves, and assure me that my knee was good and ready to withstand a competition and be just fine. I knew that it was imperative I focus on the positive and not dwell on the parts that still need some time for some fine-tuning, because there is obviously going to be some of that needed. I relay all this information to you as if it was a nice, peaceful conversation that took place in my head as I calmly reasoned with myself, and not a total freak out I had about two days prior that it was quite possible I could get on that runway and land about two feet from where I took off and then believe myself to be completely screwed!
Well I didn’t freak out and I jumped a wee bit further than two feet. I started off a bit shaky and had a couple conservative jumps. It was nothing to bury my head in the sand over but not impressive either. Then I turned the burners on and did a few nosedives into the sand because I was not handling the speed that well. But I had the speed…so still a positive! What I was happiest with however (besides ending the day healthy), was the fact that on my last jump I was able to pull it together a bit enough to actually produce a jump that was half way decent. I’m sure the jump was ugly, but it had that competitive flair that allowed me to soar a bit further than the other jumps. It wasn’t so much that I fixed what I was doing wrong, I just capitalized on what I was able to do well at this point and time. It was a 6.59 effort (which is roughly around 21’7 I think for you metrically challenged folks). I realize that the distance is not one that will cause anyone’s mouth to drop open in amazement and it will take a far better effort in two weeks time, but when you look at the whole picture it sure as heck ain’t too shabby for a girl who had a squishy leg and a bum knee a few weeks back.
So I am now able to do my final two weeks of preparation with less ambiguity in terms of where I’m at and if I am capable of putting a jump together. There are things I still need to fix and work on that will allow my body to fire and respond the way it needs to so that I can produce a big jump, but I was able to eliminate a lot of the unknown and shake off a bit of the anxiety. I am grateful for the opportunity and I am happy I was able to not let what I can’t do yet interfere with what I can do.
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My Knee and its Progress
It has been a while since I have updated you all about my knee and how things are coming along. Actually I am only speaking to those of you who I don’t speak or write to, because everyone else seems to ask about 47 times a day. In fact, if I had a dollar for every time I heard the question “How’s your knee”, I wouldn’t need any help paying for my surgery! That must mean a lot of people care…or just have nothing else to talk to me about. Regardless it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside to feel as if I have so many people in my corner rooting for me and wishing me the best. I appreciate all the thoughts and prayers—both the ones that I know about and the ones out there in cyberspace.
Well, on to my update…
This past week I have been back to regular training and at the end of the week I even did full approach pop ups. (Technical talk for doing take-offs in the long jump without landing). I am ecstatic because I’m still fast. Granted, I am not as fast as I believe I would have been without the setback, but I am definitely fast and this is one of my advantages to already being one of the fastest jumpers in the world (in my humble opinion). It was a bit nerve racking putting back on my spikes without knowing what to expect from my body. I did not step on a track surface for a month’s time and then I did a somewhat abbreviated and accelerated rehab program so that I could get back to doing what I need to do. Needless to say, this caused some achy joints and bones. I am not the spring chicken I once was!
As important as balancing on one leg and stepping down from a 1 ft. box is, I could not wait to start to be able to feel as if I was really preparing for my task in 3 weeks. Here is the thing about this whole process – it can be truly overwhelming if you let it. I have taken things one step at a time because that is the only way to feel as if it’s manageable. If I could only lie on my couch and squeeze my quad 25 times every hour, I made sure I stayed on top of it. Once I was able to jog in the water, I tried to be the best water jogger I could. (No easy feat as I am no fan of things done in the water.) When I was able to get on land and do things that were not too much impact, I put all my energy towards that. I could not focus on what I could not do, only on what I could. It was hard. I’m not going to lie. But for the most part I was proud of myself for staying in the moment and staying positive and continuing to believe that I would be ok.
Last Friday, when I finally got on the runway and ran my approach, timed my last 10 meters, and took off from that speed, I was able to let out a huge sigh of relief. It will probably still take a little time for my timing to get back on and for the distance to be worth anything, but that is not cause for worry right now. In fact, I prevented myself from even measuring them because I just wanted to feel happy with my incredible progress. The speed that I am running at is enough for me to jump far and that is a huge piece of my puzzle. I make no qualms about the fact that I am a ‘speed’ jumper, meaning that my ability to jump far is in direct correlation to the speed I’m able to generate on the runway. A technique jumper I am not. So it is a cause for celebration that I am feeling so close to my old self at this stage of the game.
My knee feels a little stiff and weird but the main thing is that it feels strong and it’s not swelling up by anything that I have done thus far. It is a precocious balance at this stage of the game because right now is not the time to really work hard and do tons of things to help me get stronger and faster. I know I am behind in terms of where I would want to be in a perfect world, especially in terms of having competitions under my belt, but on the bright side I certainly haven’t over-competed! Right now all athletes are in their tapering stages and are allowing their bodies to be rested in order to feel their best and peak for the Trials. There is so much work that I want to be able to do but obviously there is not time for that. I basically have to trust what I have and use these next few weeks to fine-tune it. I feel incredibly blessed to be healthy in mind, body, and spirit and I really don’t think I could ask for anything more.
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Change of Plan
The following is an excerpt from my bio on my website:
This past year I decided that I wanted to sprint again, not only because I am good at it, but because I have a passion for it. I knew that the only way I should step back on the track is if I believed I deserved to be there, because there is no substitute for believing in yourself. I was able to set personal bests this year in both the 100 meters and the long jump and I feel that I am in a great place both mentally and physically to prepare for the 2008 season and the Olympic Games in Beijing.
I began this season with a set of goals and expectations for myself. This year I was going to be the athlete that I truly wanted to be, and I was going to set out to accomplish what I thought I was capable of. These days, many people know me as a long jumper. That’s what they see me as and for a few years that’s all I really did. But in college I was a sprinter that jumped. I was good at the long jump but I was really only successful because I was fast and I trained primarily as a sprinter throughout my college career. What forced me into becoming “just a jumper” out of college was because I was told by many people that it would be better to choose and focus on becoming great at one thing instead of just being good at a few. At that time it seemed easier to be great at the long jump. I already had won a U.S. title in the long jump and as everyone knows, the sprints are very deep in the U.S. so the logical choice seemed to be that I should stick to jumping.
Last year I made a decision to go back to being the athlete that I felt like on the inside. I felt like I was a great sprinter and I didn’t want to give that up and watch people I competed against all throughout college be successful at the professional level and feel like I could be as well. Not to mention the fact that not sprinting had not turned me into a better jumper. Not at all. So last year I began to make the transition and even though I had decided that was the route I wanted to go, I still didn’t have the perfect situation. I had a “jump-oriented” coach and I was still training primarily as a jumper, which is a bit different than the training you would do if you were an elite sprinter. Nonetheless, I was able to run under my PR 4 different times last year, the fastest being in the prelims at Nationals where I ran 11.10. That puts me in the top 10 in the U.S and it’s not even my main event! The problem was I ran it in the prelims.
My sprinting last year was far from consistent, which was my biggest problem. I had no race model and my start was shaky and unpredictable. But running those times showed me that I was capable of doing so much more. If I could run that fast doing so many things wrong and training the way I did, I knew that putting more focus on my race, learning to start properly, and having the training to get through the rounds would put me right where I needed to be. So that’s how I began this year, with a focus on being a great sprinter again and the desire to run at the Olympic Trials and truly feel like I belonged and that I was just as capable as any of the runners out there. The long jump was still part of the equation, but not my focus. I know I possess the tools to jump far and improving my sprinting would just add to the arsenal so I was going back to being a sprinter that jumped.
The point of me sharing all of this history and internal dialogue is because what I had set out to accomplish and my plan for the Trials is not going to be what I thought it was. I will not be running the 100 meters at the Olympic Trials; I will only be Long Jumping. It may seem like a simple enough decision, but it most definitely was not. I shared the long version with you because people might have been under the assumption that I was running the 100 just because I could. Shoot, I have the A standard, why not? Who knows, maybe I’ll get lucky and make the final. Except that wasn’t my mentality at all. I trained this year to be able to step out on the track and believe that I could make the team in the 100 meters. I have participated in events before, I wasn’t interested in that. People may look at that event and see how deep we are and how many talented sprinters we have, and think that it would have been a ridiculous long shot. All I know is that when I won my NCAA title in the 200 meters back in 2001 I entered that meet with the 23rd fastest time. There were 24 competitors. Long shot or not, all I need is an opportunity.
But the reality is what it is. Four rounds of racing require a certain level of fitness. Today was my first practice on a track in a month. (warm-up and strides—yay for small victories!) I have a little over four weeks to get back as much as I can. I may have it and I may not but testing it there and finding out that I don’t will be too late. I also would have no races until Trials—so basically I open up in the 100 meters then. Is that impossible? No. It’s just not very smart. And the reason it wouldn’t be very smart is because I am blessed to be talented in 2 different events and if trying to run the 100 takes everything I have, I have nothing left for the long jump. Being fit enough to take 6 jumps is different. Still hard, but different. Making the team in the Long Jump is going to require the absolute best that I have. I’ll have to jump a PR and so I know that I must do whatever I can to give myself the best opportunity for that.
So this incredibly long-winded post is to say that my focus is on the long jump. I wish it could be different but my coach has a plan and I need to follow it and believe in it. There is no point in being greedy and ending up with a sub-par effort by stretching myself too thin. I am already calling in my fair share of favors and blessings to find a way of being prepared to give a max effort in one event after this setback so I will be grateful for that opportunity.
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Trusting His Way
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways…For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9
I had a moment yesterday. For the most part I have been doing well in terms of my spirits and staying positive, but somewhere between my jogging on the underwater treadmill at a speed of 4.0 and doing my rehab exercises simple enough for a senior citizen, I cracked a little. It is almost the end of May and THIS is what I’m doing?! Tears quickly welled up in my eyes and I took an unneeded bathroom break. I know I’m not supposed to think like that but I’d be lying to you if I said it was that easy. I’m human. It’s six weeks before Trials and I can’t jog on ground and I have not done so in almost a month. I’ve been surprised even at my own courage and strength because normally I am quite the head case and for the most part I haven’t been. But I do have my moments. Moments like yesterday.
And so last night when I read that verse above before bed, I just had to whisper thank you. Thank you for reminding me that I am so not in charge of things right now. Sometimes circumstances are hard to understand. For example, my circumstance right now can be extremely frustrating to me at times because not only do I feel as if the timing is the absolute worst, I also slip up sometimes and find myself worrying about everything you could possibly think I might worry about. I sit around and I feel like I’m just staring at this huge hourglass sand timer and I just want to turn it on it’s side for a bit. But focusing on your lack of understanding can really wear you out. So when I begin to let my mind go there, it’s helpful for me to be reminded to snap out of it. I just need to trust and remind myself that His ways are not my ways. I know I’ve mentioned something similar to this before, but sometimes I find myself in need of another cue. I most certainly don’t think it was by chance that I read that verse today.
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Track Fan
On Saturday I left my couch. ”Big deal,” you say? Actually, yes. It’s a very big deal. My couch had a permanent indentation of my exact body mold because I have not moved from the same spot in weeks. I spend my days there, I sleep there, and I eat my meals there. My couch and I have become one. Thank God it is a comfortable couch. Well, God and Craigslist I suppose.
The Pac-10 championships were held at Arizona State University this past weekend. At first I thought it wouldn’t be such a hot idea. I like watching track most of the time, but maybe not so much when I can’t do anything myself. Like being on a diet and then just staring at a box of Sprinkles cupcakes. Torture, right? Not to mention the obvious questions that would be thrown my way. How are you? How’s training? Oh you’re injured…what happened? You’re going to be ok for Trials though, right? It just so happens that I heard that verbatim about 50 times. And of course I gave all the right answers even though what I really was thinking was, “Duh. You see me hobbling around with a wrap on my knee and about as small as an Ethiopian distance runner…OF COURSE I’M NOT OK!!!” I’m kidding. I probably would still have to lose about 10 more pounds.
But honestly, it was good to get out of the house and I enjoyed watching the meet. I think it’s a little easier being that it was a college meet and so I didn’t have to envision myself out there per say. My college days are waaaaay in the past and it’s been many, many years since I’ve had the honor of calling myself a Pac-10 champion and being named Pac-10 athlete of the year. Oh wait…did you hear that? That horn tooting in the background? Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. It’s hard to find things to cheer myself up these days so I just figured I would live in the past for a second. But I do miss those days when track was less pressure and less stress and you could be part of a team and it just seemed fun. That Brianna with Arizona across her chest is the athlete that I am still trying to get back to. So I definitely enjoyed being a fan and being part of that atmosphere again because sometimes you just need to be reminded what made you decide to live this life and have this career in the first place.
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moving forward
Of course I haven’t been doing any moving as of yet, but I feel as if I am ready mentally for the challenge. The knee procedure seemed to go very well and the doctor was able to remove two pieces of floating cartilage and scrape and smooth out the problem area of cartilage and leave me with a small gap that hopefully should not cause a problem in the next couple of months. The last couple of weeks have been extremely trying but on the whole I’m feeling motivated and excited for what lies ahead. I really just can’t wait to start doing something. Being forced to lie down all day and not do anything might seem like a grand idea, but in reality it’s not. Even my blogging has suffered…my life tends to have enough monotony as it is, but these last few days I couldn’t even bring myself to update you on my exciting life of T.V. watching and sleeping because I knew living it was boring enough so typing it out would have not enriched either of our lives. I would have felt utterly responsible for putting people to sleep while at the computer.
The bright spot of the last couple of weeks, however, has been the quality time I have been fortunate enough to spend with some of my closest friends. I am blessed…SO BLESSED…to have the amazing friends that I do. Friends that will pause their busy lives to come out to Arizona and be with me without me having to even ask. And go out to eat and consume 10,000 calories in a single sitting. Not to mention the friends and those of you I might not even know personally who continue to send uplifting words and support (and chocolate!!!). Y’all know how to make a girl feel special!
So even though today will be filled with more rotting of the brain (perhaps season 2 of Prison Break since we finished season 1 in a days time), I am in good spirits overall and I have many of you to thank. I hope to be back in action soon and blogging about all of it. In the meantime, if you missed your favorite T.V. show and need to know what happened, send all inquiries my way
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It could be worse...maybe
What I would recommend is for me to get in there, remove the floating piece of cartilage, and then try and repair the defect cartilage by poking holes in the bone and letting scar tissue form. This will probably put you out for about 6 to 8 weeks. What do you have coming up?
I shook my head in the negative, unable to actually utter words. I know this doctor knows who I am and what I do, so what I have coming up is probably about the most ridiculous question someone could ask me. I motioned for my friend and my coach to speak for me, because the enormous lump in my throat was not budging. Nikkie quickly pointed out that the Olympic Trials were at the end of June, a mere 7 WEEKS away. Perhaps now you can see why 6 to 8 weeks does not work in any shape or form. My coach quickly asked for another option. And I knew in my heart that there had to be another option. Because I know I’m not done. This can’t be it for me, and without the opportunity to go to the Trials, that’s essentially what I’m being told. So I waited to hear something more. And what he had to offer was doing the scope of my knee to remove the floating piece and merely smoothing the edges out of the defect part. This will only be possible if he gets in there and sees that the damaged area is not much larger than 5mm, as it seems in the picture. Any bigger would pose a problem. This, he said, would only put me out for 2 to 4 weeks. Not great, but not the end of the world.
So now I’m just going to seek out another opinion or two and hope for my insurance to kick in so I can take care of this as soon as possible. I know it could have been worse, and so I’m thankful that I’m at least left with some hope. I have so little time left that I feel as if every second counts and I don’t want to waste any of them if I don’t have to. I’ve been sitting out two weeks already so I know that getting prepared for the end of June will be a challenge. But I’m not scared of challenges, I only want the opportunity.
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Polo Ralph Lauren
(I didn't take the time to upload the pictures on this blog but if you want to see some of them, go to mysocalledfabulouslife.blogspot.com and take a look.
As I mentioned earlier, I had put off writing about this experience until I could include pictures. Well it turns out I could have just googled myself and found plenty of pictures already on the web! A quick search produced stories on nydailynews.com and yahoo news, among a plethora of other news sites and blogs. But because I’m sure you’d rather hear the rundown from my perspective, complete with a few of my “behind the scenes” photos, I will give it to you now.
Polo Ralph Lauren was chosen as the designer responsible for outfitting all of the Olympians this summer in Beijing. This includes both the opening and closing ceremonies as well as 22 days of lounge wear to relax in around the village. In order to reveal these designs to the public and the media, Ralph Lauren chose a few Olympic hopefuls as their models. Well I just happened to be one of those athletes. In all, there were four of us. U.S. Olympic team boxer Deontay Wilder, Giuseppe Lanzone, a member of the U.S. Rowing Team, archery athlete Joy Farhenkrog, and myself. Word on the street was that we were hand chosen by Ralph himself, but of course that could just be a big, fat rumor. The only reason I even get slightly excited about the thought of Mr. Lauren giving my picture a big thumbs up is because the photographer told us that Ralphie called him personally the night before to ask him to be the man behind the lens. He almost thought it was a prank and was a bit surprised himself. So I figured if the man handpicks his photographer, perhaps he picked us as well. I’m honored either way.
The shoot took place in New York at the Ralph Lauren studio. It was an all day affair as these things usually are. They wanted to get a bunch of different combinations of athletes as well as all the different looks they have created. The clothes are great…definitely preppy, as you would guess anything Ralph Lauren to be. I saw myself heading out to play cricket or having afternoon tea. Lots of white…lots of crispness, just a very refined look.
The pictures will be used in press kits and press releases as well as the cover of Hamptons Magazine. It will be the August issue I believe. Of course I will tell all my friends and family members who have subscriptions to the mag to definitely save me a copy. I probably won’t make it out to the Hamptons this summer, since I plan on being busy in China and all. In all seriousness though, it really was a great opportunity and a tremendous honor. I've done my fair share of being an athlete posing as a model this year and these are experiences that don't arise that often for most people. Imagine the difficulty I'd have trying to book a print ad for Ralph Lauren on my own? They'd be like, come back when you grow 5 inches and lose 20 pounds. And it's not like I'm a superstar in my sport, I'm just a girl with a goal trying to make it a reality. And to be honest, taking pictures has made it that much easier to obtain my goal from a monetary standpoint and I am extremely grateful for that as well.
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frustrated.
I usually really like blogging. I get a little excited when I experience something and then immediately think to myself, I’ll blog that later. But right now…not so much. You see, I was really looking forward to having some interesting and exciting news during this time, what with all my travels and competitions that I had on the schedule, but now I find myself back in Tucson an entire week earlier than was planned and I’m quite frustrated. And to be honest, I really don’t want to blog about any of it because I know that I’m a little too emotional right now and a tad bit angry. And scared. And upset. And discouraged. And depressed. And nervous. And shoot, I really could go on and on about all the different emotions I’m feeling but the point is, I really don’t have a handle on any of them. I kind of feel like just screaming into a pillow and eating a whole pint of ice cream. But I’m lactose intolerant so that’s really not a good idea.
Anyway, my knee is freaking me out. And maybe it would help once I actually figure out what exactly is wrong with it, but it seems to just be falling apart at the seams and when I think it’s one thing, it will just morph into something else. But I really can’t even comment on the specifics of it all because I should probably wait for a doctor to determine all of that. I tried to give it 8 whole days of absolutely no work. If I could properly express to you just how hard of a task that is for me, maybe you could understand the will power it took. Even the one day I tried to jog lightly on a treadmill, because I felt something I immediately stopped. And in a weeks time it actually calmed down and felt like a normal knee again. I was relieved. I warmed up for the meet and I could run normally without favoring it I thought, and when I went to jump it felt sturdy. Hallelujah. But about half way through the competition I could feel something. And because I was in no way pleased how the previous jumps had turned out, I was hoping that it would stay strong and let me try and pull it together. But it did not. It freaked out and all of the sudden it just completely gave out and was the most excruciating pain ever. I wasn’t even in the middle of a jump; I was just trying to loosen it up.
And so for the last 24 hours I have been hobbling my way back to Arizona. And that is a big deal. I don’t ever forego competitions, especially when that means a non-refundable $2500 plane ticket and a last minute $900 ticket home. Yes, there are more important things at stake than plane tickets, but understand how the mere thought of that made me cringe. I know some people will wonder why I tried to jump in the first place. That’s just me. If I think I am ok, I go for it. And I really thought I was ok. I knew I needed to be home and figuring out how to get a handle on this. Being half way around the world with a bum knee does not do me any good. I know some people will wonder why I tried to jump in the first place. That’s just me. If I think I am ok, I go for it. And I really thought I was ok. There are times when decisions like these don't even need to be put in my hands, because everyone knows what I will say. I am a competitor to the very bone and so it's hard for me to not try.
So please pray that I figure this knee problem out and that it’s not too serious. I can’t afford to continue to not train. It’s driving me crazy that I can’t prepare the way I want and need to. I feel so utterly helpless because all I want to do is to be able to be out there getting faster and stronger and I’m stuck. It’s the most frustrating feeling. But I realize I could be getting a tad bit ahead of myself and the whole pessimistic attitude that I am choosing to embrace might not even be necessary, but you really can’t convince my brain of that right about now. So I’m just sharing what I feel because that is the whole point of this blog anyway. And if I come back two days from now and realize that I totally overreacted and things aren’t as bad as they seem or maybe I’ve realized I really need to get a grip on my perspective on things, so be it. On second thought, that would actually make me happy. Because if I am forced to accept some other type of news, I really am not sure how to go about dealing with that.
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If I were stranded on a desert island...
...and I could only take 1 item, guess what it would be?! My computer. And I know technically you should say your bible, and pictures, etc. But I can have those on my computer these days. So really, that's all I need. And yes, I am lightweight addicted. Who am I kidding...it is a full-fledged addiction. I have absolutely no idea how I survived less than two years ago when I didn't have a laptop to travel with. I was a completely different person then. Which is why, my dear friends, I am going crazy. I left on a red-eye Monday evening for a two week journey that will take me half-way around the world. And as I pulled into the long-term parking lot, my heart froze. I forgot my computer. I panicked and checked the time to see if it was at all possible for me to return home and grab it. Of course it wasn't...I arrive at the airport with absolutely no extra time because I hate waiting around. So before I boarded the plane I sent out a plea to my agent to please buy me a computer I could return and bring it with him to Jamaica where I will see him 4 days later. I wasn't kidding...not in the least bit. This is serious stuff. And not just for me and my dependence on the various websites I check daily and the stories I can't wait to share on here, but I was thinking about you as well. What would you do if you had to survive two whole weeks without updates on my so-called fabulous life??? And to top it off, these next two weeks have the opportunity to actually be quite fabulous! First, I am in New York right now and did an awesome photo shoot for Polo Ralph Lauren, then I'm off to Jamaica for a meet, and then fly all the way to the middle east for a meet in Qatar. Imagine the people I might sit next to on the plane and the stories I could tell. And what if I jumped a PR and couldn't share it? Or fell in love with a Qatarian Prince? It simply would not be the same if I shared all of it two weeks after the fact.
So right now I am paying about a months worth of rent to type this short message to you all to inform you that life as we know it is not over. I will have a borrowed computer by Friday. Woohoo. As for now, I would love to post about my double life as a model, but the post needs pictures. I want you to be able to experience it fully. Don't worry...I am fully clothed, so please no hate mail about my lack of decency. So I will hold off on that one but I will continue to update as best as possible. Oh yea, and pray for my knee. I have been on mandatory DO NOTHING status to try and get it to calm down.
(i wrote this a few days ago...luckily there is free computers at the hotel in jamaica!!!)
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It's not what you think!
You know that knee I’ve been telling you about? Yea…it’s not getting any better. In fact, it’s been getting a lot worse. And it’s one of those pains that's kind of indescribable or hard to pinpoint the exact cause and therefore the proper treatment. I thought I might be able to combat the problem with some good deep tissue work because all the stuff that connects to my knee was super tight and pulling on it… or so I thought… but thus far it hasn’t helped and seems to be getting worse so I’ve been seeking out some alternative treatments.
I’ve decided to try Chinese. Medicine, that is. Acupuncture can supposedly help a whole host of problems and so I figured I might as well see if they could sort some of mine out. So I go to the guy and not really knowing what to expect or what types of things he could assist me with, I just begin to rattle off all the things that hurt. Well it turns out that the things that are bothering me are all connected in some way. They are on the same meridian lines, or energy wavelengths, or connect the dot puzzle...you know, something ‘easternly’. And I remember something that had to do with my kidneys. And to be honest, I really don’t know what that means but I was optimistic nonetheless. It sounded smart. Unfortunately, my first treatment didn’t cure my knee but I plan on going back once I am back in town for an extended period of time. I suppose it can’t hurt and I really need to figure out this knee problem because it has started to affect my training.
In the meantime, my Chinese medicine guy gives me something called a moxa stick to use on my own to help alleviate the pain in my knee and facilitate healing. It’s some sort of herb rolled up into a large cigar shape and you light it up and hold it about an inch from your skin until it gets unbearably hot, remove, and repeat. He told me that I should probably use it outside because of the strong odor. It totally smells like weed. Like the strongest pot ever.
And so I’ve used it a couple times already sitting in my living room with the door and windows open and now my neighbors are giving me weird looks. And this guy totally walked by and tried to peek his head in. I’m not sure if it was curiosity or if he was hoping for an invite. And it doesn’t really go away either. So now my neighbors think I’ve gone Rasta and if you are anywhere in the vicinity of my apartment you would swear I’m hittin’ the ganja super hard. But I’m not. I just hope they ask questions before they call the DEA on me.
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Mt. Sac
I have competed at the Mt. Sac relays for the last 14 years…ever since I’ve been running track. All throughout my high school years, college, and now as a professional, it has continued to be one of my favorites meets of the year. I enjoy it so much now because of the familiarity and the opportunity for my friends and family to be able to see me compete. This year was no different.
From now on I have to be careful with how I describe my performances because I feel as if I come off as more negative than I mean to be at times and a bit unconstructive in how I assess my performance. It’s one of the things I am working on—not being such a pessimistic person who is always focused on the results and not the process and chooses to see the bad without recognizing the good. At the same time however, there is nobody who expects more from myself than I do, and so sometimes I am my own worst critic because I know I am capable of much more. Point is…I’m trying to change. So let’s start with my first long jump competition of the year…
I was 3rd in the competition and I jumped 6.62(21’9?). The two people ahead of me both jumped 6.65(21’10). First of all, I don’t like losing. I do realize that winning is not always as important, especially so early in the year, but it still doesn’t make losing enjoyable. However, I do want to give a special shout out to one of my good friends Jenny Adams, who happened to be the gal who jumped 3 centimeters further than me. Mind you, losing to friends is no easier or more pleasant than losing to anyone else, but I respect what she is doing and how far she has come in such a short time. You see, most people know Jenny as a 100-meter hurdler. That’s because she’s been a very good one for many years and it has been her focus. But she has decided to long jump again, and to many people that might seem crazy when she hasn’t done anything notable in the event for probably about six years, but someone forgot to inform her that that mattered. I like that. I like it even more because it is similar to my goal of being a top sprinter after so many years of focusing primarily on the long jump. Some people might think that makes no sense. So what. I think what we both see is people succeeding in the events that we used to excel in. So why not us? Well I think Jenny has done a mighty fine job of picking up where she left off and so I am truly happy for her. (…Although I do not plan on letting her beat me ALL year!)
Anyway, I was pretty satisfied with my performance and I will give myself a pat on the back for having fairly consistent jumps with the exception of 2 that were nowhere on the board but still decent jumps nonetheless. The consistency aspect is something I have been working extremely hard at so that is definitely a step in the right direction. Last year at this meet I jumped a PR of 6.71 (22’1/2) and so the fact that this year’s mark was not as far would usually bother me some, BUT I am not going to let it. For starters, I started my long jump preparation much later this year because I was training more as a sprinter and stayed off the runway until much later in my training. I also feel like I was very capable of jumping that distance today. I know it didn’t happen, and that is really all that ever counts, but the ability is there for sure. My series of jumps were better than last year as well. So there were definitely some positives and some things to grow on.
I’d also like to thank all my friends and family that came out to support me. This is the start to what I hope and pray is an extremely successful and fulfilling year. It warms my heart to know that so many of you are pulling for me and keeping me in your prayers.
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crash and burn
Some time last week I posted about the aches and pains my body was going through. Although this is the life of a track athlete that we have become accustomed to and learn to deal with, there are times when our body is actually trying to get our attention.
Aye, yo. I am struggling over here. Would you mind taking it easy so that I can catch a breather??!!
But in our hard-headed ways, oftentimes we ignore these pleas and trudge along. Why? Well sometimes it’s just hard to differentiate between the “suck it up” pain and the “pay attention” pain. Everyone has those people on their team who will put their name on the ballot for most dramatic performance by a track athlete every time they feel a little soreness here or an ache there. But it is also the mentality for some, including myself, that I have to do each and everything possible to prepare myself. If I don’t do this workout, there is someone else out there that is training twice as hard. A lot of times, it is a mental thing more than anything else.
I will admit, I didn’t always used to be like this. Yes, when I did train I tried to give 100%, but I can clearly remember the first Christmas break of my college career when Coach sent me home to California with a months worth of workouts and I came back having made it to the track a total of 6 times. He noticed. And back in the day, I also used to be the captain of the cheer squad if something came up and we were unable to practice. Rain? Woohoo! They are re-paining the track? Score! We have the day off to study for finals? Sweeeet!
But I am a changed woman these days.
I am admitting now that I think my body was trying to get my attention, and because I refused to notice, it took matters into it’s own hands. It just simply stopped functioning. It’s a hard thing to explain if you’ve never experienced it yourself. I train 5 to 6 days a week and even if sometimes my body doesn’t feel as fresh and crisp as other times, you are still able to make do. I knew something was up on Saturday when I raced in Tempe. I didn’t feel horrible, but I felt like my body didn’t have that extra ‘pick up and go’ that you usually experience in a race. It felt like I was stuck in 3rd gear. Still, I chalked it up to a myriad of other things. Then, at practice on Monday, I started with long jump approaches and I couldn’t make it to the board. It took numerous tries and the most insane effort ever to run my approach. I felt as if I was running through mud. So Tuesday I was going to take it easy and just do strides, and when I tell you that to make myself jog a lap was tantamount to running a marathon…I would only be exaggerating a little bit.
So I was put on mandatory active rest for the remainder of the week. There was nothing I did specifically that overworked my body, it’s just an accumulative thing that can happen to anybody at any time. Sometimes your body just wants a little rest, and when you don’t give it that, it will find a way to take it anyway. My coach new I would be a little bothered, being that I open up in the long jump this weekend and I had no good sessions this week to prepare, but he told me quite simply that at this point, I am the jumper that I am. Another practice session is not going to produce any miraculous achievements and it’s more important that I try and get my body feeling good more than anything. I begrudgingly agreed.
Sometimes it’s bizarre how our mind processes things. I am so extremely anal when it comes to my technical practices or ones I consider to be of extreme importance. It’s not as if I don’t have 14 years of work under my belt, but if I miss this one practice THE WORLD IS OVER. Everything is fine though. I will have an easy week of extreme recovery under my belt and hopefully my body will thank me for it.
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Olympic Boycott
So I started this debate on my other blog because people kept asking me what I felt about the idea of boycotting the Olympics. I have a feeling there will be a wider range of opinions over there because all different types of people read it. I am interested in hearing all different perspectives though so please leave a comment here or there but go there and vote on my super unofficial poll if you'd like. (mysocalledfabulouslife.blogspot.com)
Whether or not there will be a boycott isn’t really the issue. There won’t be. Not that the President himself has called me up and let me know this, but I will still go out on a limb and say so. The issue is should there be. It seems like everyone has an opinion. Well here’s mine.
First of all, I will preface this post by saying I know my opinion is biased. I have a much larger personal stake in these Olympics than the average person and I am sure that influences my opinion. But I believe that bias to be an important one and a point of view that definitely needs to be taken into consideration by all those who are so quick to call for a boycott. I am not in any way trying to diminish the atrocities that are taking place. They are horrific. When I read and hear about them I am just as angry as the next person and yes, I hope something is done to change it. But supporting the Olympics is not the same as supporting China’s actions. Why? The Olympics is not some grand event specifically for the Chinese people or their government. It is for all of us. The Olympics are bigger than China. And what they stand for, what there purpose is, should not be forgotten.
Think for a second on what the Olympics mean to the athletes that have the honor of participating. It is a lifelong dream come true. It is an honor higher than any other. It is the pinnacle of a career. And for most, it is a once in a lifetime opportunity. As athletes, we did not choose China. What we chose is hard work. Sacrifice. Dedication. Commitment. Perseverance. All to have the chance to be able to represent ourselves and our country at the Olympic games. So try to understand our frustration at those so quick to dismiss what this might mean to us. Everyone else is giving up their opportunity to tune in to NBC and watch the games. No Dream Team to cheer on, no 100 meter final to anticipate, no new America’s sweetheart from gymnastics. Yes, that’s all very unfortunate, but none of that is a personal sacrifice.
What it is is a statement made on behalf of our country that will make no difference to the actual problem we are making a statement about, through a medium that has no business being the vehicle for the message in the first place. We are athletes, not politicians. Yes, I have an opinion on things that are happening around the world, and a heart that feels for the people affected. But if people came to you and said that YOU are unable to do your job or continue with the one thing YOU are most passionate about because WE are trying to get China’s attention and even though it won’t change their behavior, at least it’s a good faith effort, you might be a little put off as well. And mind you, I am only speaking for myself but I have a sneaking suspicion I am not the only one who feels this way.
That’s not to say as athletes we are incapable of taking a stand or showing our dissent. I cannot think of a more compelling and powerful image than that of two men raising their fists in protest on the Olympic podium. I value that statement and I appreciate the courage it took to make it. Or the statement Jesse Owens was able to make in regards to Hitler’s theory on white supremacy. They used their platform as athletes on the biggest stage possible. But they made a choice and they were still athletes first.
If the President wants to boycott the opening ceremonies, that’s his choice. And if others would like to boycott in their own way, they should do that. If you don’t feel it’s right to tune in, don’t. Don’t buy products from the companies that are sponsoring the Olympics. Get rid of all your “made in china” possessions. But it is my belief that the Olympics should not be about politics, it should transcend them. I think we should let the spirit of the games be. I would like to have this opportunity that only presents itself once every four years to celebrate and appreciate what the Olympics really stand for. Oh yea…and compete.
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opening day
My season started today and instead of me blasting out of the gates with an explosion of fireworks behind me, it was if my nephew had lit a sparkler and waved it in the middle of Times Square. Not impressive. I suppose it wasn’t terrible, or something I should lock myself in a room for and deprive myself of dinner, but I guess I was just expecting more. I’ve had some really great practices, the weather was absolutely perfect, and the track is supposed to be lightning fast, but I just couldn’t seem to find my rhythm.
I ran the 200 meters. Not necessarily my premier event, even though back when Dinosaurs roamed the earth it could have arguably been considered my best event, something I wish didn’t need to be brought up in races like today. In lane 4, former NCAA champion in this event, Brianna Glenn. Well after the girl that won worked me so bad, I was wishing I had entered under an alias. My time was 23.32. I’m putting that up just to save you the time and effort it will take to find it online. Yes, it’s a bit lackluster but I suppose it seems even moreso to me because of how big of a margin there was between the winner and I.
Regardless, it was still the first race and I believe that I got the cobwebs swept out for the most part. I haven’t raced the 200 competitively in so long that I felt a little out of my element and it showed. But there always needs to be a starting point and this was mine. Next up will be Mt. Sac out in Southern California. I will be running on a relay and long jumping. If you are in the area this meet is a great one to come watch. Hope to see you there!!!
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the aches of a track body
This morning I was on the phone with my best friend and she asked why I sounded funny. I informed her that I was standing in an ice bath and I hadn’t gone numb yet—hence the high-pitched quivering voice. Ask any track athlete and they will tell you that willfully submerging themselves in water cold enough to make an Eskimo squirm is a necessary evil of this sport. I admit that I wasn’t so diligent in my younger days, but the older I get—and the more broke down my body becomes I find that my body appreciates and needs this form of torture.
I can go months and months without being able to wake up and feel “normal”. In fact, I am pretty sure I have forgotten exactly what normal feels like. I walk differently, I leave my shoelaces tied so as not to be forced to try and bend over or I adopt a fetal position to get the job done, I ride in a car with pillow support to try and keep my back in a more bearable position…all the things some might take for granted are an obvious effort for me. We run ourselves into the ground. Literally. As in, the effort it takes to merely stand up is too much for our body to handle at times. Last year I almost had to go to rehab for my addiction to Ibuprofen.
Right now my body feels like it is in a heightened state of distress. First there are the chronic problems, such as the horrifically tight lower back that teases me with signs of improvement that never last and the right hamstring that refuses to ever feel like the left one and finds comfort in staying in a perpetual knot. Add to that the tendonitis that has developed on my left kneecap presumably from all the increased jumping I have been doing in practice, and the other knee that just will collapse on occasion, especially after a hard session of running, supposedly because whatever muscle or tendon that connects to it has become extremely tight and pulls it out of position. Ouch. And finally there is just my clumsiness. On Saturday I was in the process of taking a bar off the rack and it slipped out of my hand and fell directly on my foot. So 45 pounds from about 6 ft. up caused an immediate screaming fit from me and a swollen and bruised foot for a few days. Luckily the foot is okay though.
So what’s the solution? More ice baths. Baths with Epson salt. Stretching. Tons of money spent on massage therapists and chiropractors. All of this so I can continue to train as best as possible. If I were to wait until I felt absolutely fantastic without an ache in site, I would be close to collecting social security. So while track bodies may look good, they hardly ever feel good. Take comfort in that fact the next time you secretly yearn for the chiseled perfection that we possess. :)
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