Blogs : Tyrone Ross

Why Have Thou Forsaken Me?

……The squeeze of life has taken the air from my lungs and the hope from my soul.  Tainted and dimmed the view of my dreams and keeps me awake at night.  So close but yet so far away is everything I could have ever hoped for.  The passion burns deep inside to make it all come true, but even deeper lies a crushed spirit.

The pile of dust that use to be my heart is blown across an ocean of tears and dissolved to a distant memory.  My brain that once manufactured and possessed my single dream has closed and is now vacant with a swinging “closed” sign of lost opportunity.

Write your plans in pencil and give God the eraser they say, well I know my plan wasn’t yours as I blow eraser residue from my palms. How could this happen? What exactly did I do to deserve this?  Every step of the journey has been traced with the blood of the past and molded with the DNA of the future.

How do I explain this pain? Where do I seek refuge? You know my heart! You know my dream! You know I failed!  This is more than just a sport to me; it’s a way of life. An escape from the everyday shelter of this heinous world.  Four years I waited for this moment, meticulously preparing for the marriage with my goals, but was left at the altar. A covenant made with my inner demons to overcome mediocrity and the status quo that is the‘runners life”.

Even as I write this, the real words escape the keyboard, fleeing effortlessly like the goal I once had.  At some point I will pick up the battered and wounded skeleton of my remains and warm up with the flame that still resides in my devastated corpse.  My flesh will return along with the fresh breath of opportunity and possibility.  I will ascend to heights that transcends my wildest imagination because I have favor… Favor that comes from living through the torment of failure and dreams unrealized. Favor that comes from realizing it is your will and not mine that shapes my future.  Favor that comes from not relying on my understanding as to…..

Why have thou forsaken me?

This Is For You

I cry as I write this to you and everyone else it may effect. You see, a lot has happened this year and may of the things you planned on doing have not panned out….YET.  As the tears slowly run down my face, the force of gravity tries to yank your dreams with them.  My hands tremble with sweaty palms waiting to grab the next opportunity to help you make the most of 08’.  Bad races, injuries, weather and just plain old lack of competitive spirit had bled my soul of its aggressive nature.

I feel for you, but I am also here to help.  I internalize all the pain and stress you feel and I try my best to conjure up any type of expression to heal your wounds.  And trust me you are not alone, plenty of people just like you started out this season with expectations greater than the mind can comprehend.  But this is just the beginning. No one said it was going to go as planned or run Allyson Felix smooth.  That is why you must plan the plan, by that I mean embrace the journey not the fanciful thoughts of the destination.  Every moment good or bad, weak or strong is a stitch is the fabric that will make up your magic carpet ride to the top.

Picture this for a moment, visualize where you want to go and how you thought you were going to get there. Didn’t go exactly the way you wanted to now or at any point in your life, you know why?  God knew your way was wrong and probably the “easiest”.  Along your journey he inserted stop signs, gave you flat tires, and even allowed you to be pulled over for awhile, but just remember he is the driver.  Allow him to be your auto pilot and enjoy the ride.  Everything you ask for and aspire to achieve in life will ultimately be yours, but have serenity to deal with the things you can and can not control along the way.

In closing I just want to say that my eyes are swollen with tears and my heart is busting with love waiting for your arrival. My arms, open for years waiting to embrace you as soon as you get here.  My hands open to grab you close as you get nearer and near to me.

I am patiently waiting for you….Just Believe,

Your Dreams.

ALL IN

The proverbial pushing the chips to the middle of the table. No more excuses, strategies or preparation.  All in your mind? No this is ALL IN, everything has to go, the liquidation of any reservations or concerns. And by ALL I do mean ALL. So many of us want and desire things that we are unwilling to commit 100% to achieving.  Spare me all the talk of well I “train hard”, or I worked out when it was raining or I lift weights or “work harder” than anyone.  EVERYBODY does that.  All dominant people have a dark side, a place where they work in solitude away from the average “90%’s” of the world. You see they get it, they snap and take themselves to that next 10% you always leave on the track.

Anyone can have high self-esteem just aim low enough to have people believe your All IN. Self Efficacy on the other hand is the ability to go All IN. This means you are willing to put all that status quo garbage on the line and take a shot. If you can’t totally sell-out for your dreams then I guess you already sold out….Get it?....if not then your not All IN. You must be willing to give up being comfortable in order to be dominant, give up pride in order to be the best, give up half ass effort to be ALL IN. 

It’s more than your love for the sport or the big dreams of Olympic Gold. It’s a validation of failed attempts at being elite and dreams realized. This isn’t something Clyde Hart, or Dan Pfaff has a workout for…..this is the covenant you make with your soul. Reaching way down into the deepest cave of your existence and pulling out a victory. Not a “victory” in the sense of being first to win a race, but a win over your own half hearted effort disguised by the everyday mediocre regime of the “star” athlete.

If not now then when? If not here then where? If not you then who?

If you’re on the outside looking in, you’re not All IN.

The Death Of A Runner

Before we begin to look back on the life of this runner lets remember not to grieve. Those of us with faith know that death is not be feared, but to be viewed as an opportunity for prosperity in the afterlife. However, I do acknowledge that his life was definitely cut short, with only 15 years of learning, smiling, winning and losing.  What would cause such a fruitful, meaningful journey to fall short of fulfilling a life full of potential?

DOUBT, yes doubt is what caused the death of this runner. Years and years of wondering what if, or maybe if, or could I or should I.  The day finally came when he could not take it anymore and considered ending it all.  His last conversations with those he loved were uttered with lines and phrases of unpredictability, complacency and self denial. For too long he disguised his internal strife and struggle with hard work, tireless dedication and commitment only to continually fall short of his ultimate goals.

An abundance of motivation, support and ability was still not enough to keep this runner off life support. As he lay there on the track taking what would be his last breaths, he slowly realized the time had come to let go. To give in to all of the kind words and encouragement of others and be the athlete he knows he is. Only killing himself can cure the dying that was taking place inside his soul for the last 10 years.  He knew a re-birth was the only way to stop disrespecting himself and the sport he loved. It was the only way to repay all of those who sacrificed for his goal just as much as himself. The only way to be closer and nearer to what he truly loved.  And with that the feelings began to overwhelm him and it became too much to bear.  He slowly reached into his bag to grab his spikes that are labeled one for MOM and one for DAD. He kissed each one before he put them on……. and purposely………Died.

April Fool

Not to be confused with the office or team prankster, this fool shows up on a daily basis. There are so many ways to be lost in what can become the daily rigors of training. Fools get lost in the hype of who ran what and where, and who’s doing what and how. Lack of focus on the task at hand, leads to an unsuccessful swipe to recapture it with the other.

It’s hard enough to stay focused on what it is you need to do to accomplish your season’s goals, so why revel in another mans victory or defeat? They pay you no mind April Fool, so stop debiting from your own success account. What you must overcome to get where you want to go should be ruminating in your mind incessantly. A fraction of a second thought to another person’s success or transgressions can never supersede your own.

Today is the day to be most cognizant of this trap April Fool, check yourself, don’t be the running joke.  When you win people talk about your race, when you lose YOU talk about your race. Hmmm….think about it.

But I am sure you already knew that April Fool.

In health and riches,

Tyrone

Directed Attention

Your elusive an evasive but always needed. When I have you it’s hard to keep you but in the end it’s always worth the chase.  What is it that stops you from being omnipresent when everything else is just a reach away?  So many things distract me from having you and when your mine I just cant stay…….I need you to fill the gaps not only in my performance but my life. Without you it’s hard to….. The word keeps escaping my mind to describe what you ultimately mean to me achieving my goals. If I could only……..The frustration builds with every lost thought, faded memory, tarnished past, and bad race all because I cant…….

No dictionary or thesaurus can clearly define what you mean not only to me, but the legions of others who fade without……. The arduous task of keeping you the epicentre of all I do is daunting. I was told as a young boy then as an adolescent and eventually again as an adult. …….!  Fill in my blanks! Let me know that all this hard work is not in vein and that I can have you and all my vices, or can I?  Those are the things that keep me from …… on you and I fight them daily to find my way back to you.

I sit often and think about exactly when it was I lost the …… needed to achieve my goals. I have 109 days to find you in one last attempt to achieve the unattainable. So many sleepless nights, bad advice, misguided determination and lack of ……. has lead me to this point. It’s here now, time to excel, time to become known, time to become who I know I am, yet am I ……. enough to do it? Even sitting here writing I try to …….. and you still leave gaps in my sentences as you do in my mind. So here it is, one last attempt, one last faithful to try to pull all my senses together and…….

In Health and Riches,

Tyrone

For All Those Not Running Well.....

There have been a lot of blogs about those that have not been running well. There are plenty of reasons why this may be the case, but only ONE solution. "Success requires no explanations. Failure permits no alibis". Please view below....

Stay Strong and Perservere.

In health and riches,

Tyrone

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2UJUItwJAE

Fear

Allow me to be candid and express an emotion that is omnipresent, yet ignored. All that talk of motivation, determination and perseverance just doesn't complete me. There is still that hollow piece of my soul that remains empty due to the inability to face fear. I'm not going to sit and waste time or logic on whether one fears success or failure....fear is simply that....Failure.Even.At.Rest...

The fear of something simply cripples your ability to think or respond appropriately....good or bad. Fear is why in high school you PR'd every meet until you realized you should be scared....Even at rest you thought about what or who was out there that you didn't know. As you get older, wiser, stronger, and faster the fear grows exponentially until you learn new words to call it....anxiety, nervousness, trepidation, uncertainty.

More than any workout or race this year I am learning from fear the most. And what do I fear?....the same exact thing as you.  Fear that my body, mind and heart are not a cohesive triumvirate. We all fear something and that fear is embedded deep in one of those three entities. My conundrum is finding which one ignores my motivation, dedication and perseverance. Stop and think about yours?.....Let's continue....

Throw your heart over and the body will follow they say, but what if that thumping in your head is stronger than your heart beat? It's there for all of us to ponder.... We all have something we want more than anything and sadly few people stop to realize the only barrier is your heart, mind or body. It’s easier to blame external forces for our fears or "failure even at rest".  Bad lane,  tough week of practice, long week of work, slow heat, weather, coaches, workouts, location....nine times out of ten its YOU and ME too. Never knew this was fear did you? Neither did I.....embrace it.....now lets conclude.

"THE CAVE YOU FEAR TO ENTER HOLDS THE TREASURE YOU SEEK" and with the period that will end this sentence I will enter my cave.

In Health and Riches,

Tyrone

I AM A RUNNER

I am a runner. I am respected, admired and loved because of it, but left out, cast aside and looked down on because it. I love everything about running, long runs, shorts runs, lactic acid, and even cooling down. Running is what made me and currently makes me who i am. Running is what separates me from the rest of the world whenever i start to feel "similar". I relish this distinction because i am unique. Being a runner is not something you do for a living, it is who you are. When your blood flows with adrenaline every five minutes and the smell of the track is an aphrodisiac you are a Runner. Runners walk different, talk different, eat different and have the mental and physical capacity of a Lion defending his kingdom.

It's more than what i do, it's what i love. It is the epicenter of my life until the day i feel i have run off all of my problems, insecurities, bad races, dreams chased and made those who know how much i love IT proud....yea i know never. That day will never come because I AM A RUNNER..it is what consumes my every thought, my senses become hightened at the thought of the last 100 meters of a 400....call me crazy but science proves my insanity.....lactic acid buildup actually decreases the last 100 meters of a 400 and i swear i feel every meter of it.

Running is not something that should be taken for granted in any form because it is a gift that can be unwrapped again and again. One lane, One time, One Person......I am a runner and as a runner i stand alone with the hug from a 400 meter oval to console me until i return to the world of "non runners". I have grown to embrace all that running has given and taken away in my life, which is a funny dynamic because my greatest issue is coping with the insurmountable love I have for something I can only do part time. Yet and still, this is what i do i RUN therefore I AM.....I am runner by choice not by trade.....for now anyway..

In Health and Riches,

Tyrone

Can You Hear It?

A Mental Workout

Let's take time to train our minds. The part of training that is the most neglected but also the most indispensable. The workout for the mind comes from a hard workout yes, but also a hard life. Despite what corner of the earth you dwell, life is difficult and trying especially when you dont want to....try that is. Key word there is try, to often as people and runners we "try" to do things. Usually when people "try" they make a profound discovery of the word "can't". Can't is most often followed by "excuses" which never explain how you failed at "trying" in the first place.

Lets train our minds. Setbacks and disappointments are just that....SITback and use this time to take a mental jog, just as one would do reflecting on a countryside or when confined to a cell in prison. DIScern what went wrong and make Appointments with yourself to make changes. I hope you got that cause we are working out here. Every day life provides the workouts needed to mentally ascend to the aptheosis of one's dreams. Here's an example, a young man sits on a train with Olympic dreams, as he is on his way to another unpredictable day on Wall st.....not your average connundrum.....but with each tick of the train tracks that brings him closer to the "street" he becomes more mentally fit.

Lets train our minds. No workout will ever prepare you mentally enough to get over yourself. It's not the proverbial bump in the road, hurdles(pun intended) or valleys that stops you, but you stop you. The ability to remained focus on a goal and your ultimate destintation equips you with the mental acuity needed to see over anything that may stop you. You can never be consumed by negativity because you've mentally trained yourself to bend but never break. There are plenty of good examples of this i can name but no example better than yourself. So the next time life has you feeling like its 200 meters to go and you went out to fast...be comfortable being uncomfortable knowing your mind has been trained for this because your body quit on you a long time ago.

Your mental warmup is complete.

Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

When Is It Good Enough?

When somebody else who knows nothing about you or your goals tells you it is? Is it enough when you finally achieve that elusive piece of life's puzzle that now makes you complete? Is it enough when you finally give in to the pain of that workout you never thought you would finish but you feel "better" because its over?

Is it enough when everybody knows who are, and that little pointless thought you had, turns into a dream and becomes a reality? Is it enough when all the hardwork, disappointments, and shortcomings are memories you can now laugh about?  Or is it enough when your body quits on you and you are convinced you earned that day off? Maybe its enough when you feel you did more than everyone else. I'm almost sure it has to be enough when you know you did something nobody else has and those close to you try to convince you that you are well prepared for your shot at the impossible....but......you still ask yourself....

Wait!.....here it is....It's enough when you cross that line in Beijing, crowd screaming, you look up and see your name in that top three......and you run over and kiss the tears running down your mothers face. Is it enough then?

The bottom line is... it is never enough. It was not enough last nite running that last 600, it is not enough when my hardwork beats your talent, it is not enough when i think i finally trained hard enough to out run my past, and it will never be because a kid now wants an autograph, but never saw me struggling and crying that dark nite on the track screaming to the skies.........When Is It Good Enough!!!!????

Thanks To You......

ETG

401

Are You Serious?

Ok so let me get this straight....Do i love you too?  I gave you what even your parents could not. Hello! I sent you to college, surrounded you with past and future olympians. Names like Derrick Mills, Derrick Adkins, AngeloTaylor and a Hall of Fame coach Grover Hinsdale. And how do you repay me? You get kicked out of school!! So excuse me if i decided to leave you and go about my business.

So you finally decide to get yourself  together and try to get me back and then what?  You want to prove your not dumb so you get your little Masters degree and decide you want to help these little juvenile idiots from killing each other.  So yes, i stepped out with a few others who really love me and can spend all their time with me. Not late nights after work, or only on the weekends. Not trying to see me in the snow, and in the rain, and at all ungodly hours of the night. They are always here preparing for me morning, noon and night.

So, if you want to call that infidelity than fine. So lets see, now you get this big job on "Wall Street" and you buy a nice little sports car and you still want me? For what? Not to mention the little bachelor pad you just moved in.....and you wanna talk about infidelity?...Stop It. You still can't compete with my current man. He is tall, strong, fast, lean and not to mention the best in the world. Some of your idiot friends would have you believe it makes a difference that he is white too, but guess what?  He could be black, white, indian or whatever..He still is better than you!  His friends dont look so bad either...and now that i think about it one of them is named Angelo Taylor!? Don't you  know him?... I bet that made you whince a little bit.

And i know what your thinking...What about my little fling with Marion and a few others? Well to be honest, i dont care at least they spent more time me than you!  Yea i got hurt in the end but while they were with me, they made me feel more important than anything on earth. And what do i get from you in the interim?  Late night practices, mediocre times, heaps of motiviational quotes, wasted trips to see me and last be not least coming up short...Lets check the stats here...i a PR of 45.93(mind that you that was 4yrs ago) and two spots out of making the Olympic trials...Your kidding me right? YOUR NOT ANY GOOD....oh excuse me i almost forgot i had your love too?!...lol

Listen, i inspired you to attain everything that you have Mr.Ross. Even this meaningless company you just started to help people do what you couldn't....meet me and keep me! So the next time your riding around in your nice car, walking down Wall St. in one of those nice suits...stop and ask yourself....Do i love it too much?

Do You Love Me Too?

I really didnt know much about you until that fall of 1994.  Plenty of people had already enjoyed your beauty and all pleasure you had to offer.  Then finally someone had the nerve to acually introduce me to you, and needless to say i didnt like you at all. I decided even then, to be faithful to you and try to get to know you because there was something about you that intrigued me.  Then it happened, May of 1995 i fell in love with you. I remember it like it was yesterday a balmy night in South Plainfield, New Jersey during the 4x400.  It was then i knew even as a 15 year old sophomore in high school that we were meant for each other.

And here we are today 12 years later and more in love than ever, but i must admit things have not always been pretty. For the last half of our relationship i have watched you out with others, claiming how much they love you only to abuse you and chemically seduce you to make you believe they are better than what they really are. I stood by your side the whole time remaining faithful and understanding, but through it all perplexed and hurt.  And now It's the the time of year again when i everybody gets all excited and over prepared to meet you  because this is a big year for you. And here i am doing the same as everyone else trying to fight for your attention when i have been standing next to you the whole time.

It will be a few months until I'll actually see you again because you have been away this summer overseas all over the television hardly hiding your indfidelity. I'm more prepared than ever this time to finally work things out with you and make things right. But before i take another warmup lap or feel the slow, aching, enduring pain of repeat 400's.... Will you just finally tell me.....Do you love me too?